Flowers Tumblr Themes

alzix:

I live in constant fear of being shit on by a bird

snowtorch:

(seductively licks lips)

(grabs your wrist)

(furiously hits you with your own hand)

WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY AR

turnipjelly:

evenhellcanbehomey:

the-lonely-scottish-guy:

if everybody got a free miniature animal at birth that protected you, like a tiny elephant or dragon, the world would be a better place.

write a book

You could call it The Golden Compass

nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell